JENNIFER ALIEN
Then why do you exist here?
SISKO
I... I don't understand...
JENNIFER ALIEN
(confused)
You exist here.
I've never left this ship...
JENNIFER ALIEN
You exist here.
SISKO
I... exist here.
You exist here.
Later.....
SISKOI've never left this ship...
JENNIFER ALIEN
You exist here.
SISKO
I... exist here.
--Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, "Emissary"
While December 7 may be the day that lives in infamy for the nation, December 8 is a day burned into my personal history. Last year, on this day, I was driving to a continuing education class in Little Rock when I noticed a dead spot around my wrist. (And trust me, I know the day. I told the story so often last year it's with me forever!) By the time I got home, an apparent cramp in my leg left me hobbling. By the end of the weekend, I had numbness in my hands and toes and both legs were bothering me. As most of you know, December was a pretty rough month last year. Granted, the therapy, etc. was this year, but once I got diagosed and knew that it wasn't anything permanent, just something I had to work through, things got a whole lot better.
Part of me, though, feels like Benjamin Sisko. In "Emissary," the pilot episode of Deep Space Nine, Sisko confronts [start sci-fi gobblygook here] non-linear aliens who tap into his memories, etc. for communication [end gobblygook]. What he keeps coming back to, though, is the death of his wife. Though the process, he realizes that he's never really moved on with his life, that he still exists in the moment where he tried to rescue her, though it was too late.
That's kinda how I feel about the whole Guillian-Barre bit. I mean, part of me is glad that I still think about how neat it is to walk, to tap my toes, etc. I'm glad that I don't take it quite as much for granted as I have in the past. To appreciate all that God has given me is a great gift, I think.
And yet sometimes I wonder if I should move past it. I mean, look, I'm posting on anniversaries. I still visit the rehab center on occasion to say hi to the therapists. (They had a Christmas party last week--was fun, even if I didn't get to see many of the patients that were there when I was.) Maybe, like Sisko, I exist here.
I don't think so, really. I just know that this was a formative experience, one that I'll keep coming back to time and time again. Besides, as my wife knows (and it drives her crazy), I'm always doing the "well, two years ago at this time we were doing x" bit. She's really going to love this December..... :)
OK, enough of the prior year junk. What's happening now?
Well, it's Shootout time for the PPT again, at least almost. A week from tomorrow is the big game. I hope to play like I did last week, but step it up when I need to. Last week, I made it to the final four, where three were being paid out, and had the second-most chips. Two hands later, I was out after some really stupid play. The final hand, I had a 10-rag in my hand with a 3-3-x-10 on the board. Bobby went all in, and I decided to call, even though I knew, knew he had a three. Turns out he had two of them, which totally sunk me. On the whole, it was a good night, but the ending really had me kicking myself for quite some time.
Meron's still battling her sugar issues. They've got her testing it four times a day and really working on the diet. If this doesn't improve, I think this will be the last child. It's so rough on her to try to keep this up.
No huge plans for the weekend. We are ringing the Salvation Army bell Saturday afternoon. Benjamin's going to go with us, at least for a bit. I think he'll have a lot of fun ringing the bell, even though he probably won't have the attention span for a two-hour stretch. Parent's Night Out is Saturday evening, though I don't know if we will be dropping him off or not. He's been pretty clingy lately. Not sure if it's a reaction, somewhat instinctively, to the pregnancy or not.
Darn cold here this morning. Too bad there's no rain in the area, or we'd get a ton of snow. It was 11 on my way to work today! That's just not normal for us down here in the South. Must be that global warming thing......
That's probably enough for today. Hope you have a good weekend!
Part of me, though, feels like Benjamin Sisko. In "Emissary," the pilot episode of Deep Space Nine, Sisko confronts [start sci-fi gobblygook here] non-linear aliens who tap into his memories, etc. for communication [end gobblygook]. What he keeps coming back to, though, is the death of his wife. Though the process, he realizes that he's never really moved on with his life, that he still exists in the moment where he tried to rescue her, though it was too late.
That's kinda how I feel about the whole Guillian-Barre bit. I mean, part of me is glad that I still think about how neat it is to walk, to tap my toes, etc. I'm glad that I don't take it quite as much for granted as I have in the past. To appreciate all that God has given me is a great gift, I think.
And yet sometimes I wonder if I should move past it. I mean, look, I'm posting on anniversaries. I still visit the rehab center on occasion to say hi to the therapists. (They had a Christmas party last week--was fun, even if I didn't get to see many of the patients that were there when I was.) Maybe, like Sisko, I exist here.
I don't think so, really. I just know that this was a formative experience, one that I'll keep coming back to time and time again. Besides, as my wife knows (and it drives her crazy), I'm always doing the "well, two years ago at this time we were doing x" bit. She's really going to love this December..... :)
OK, enough of the prior year junk. What's happening now?
Well, it's Shootout time for the PPT again, at least almost. A week from tomorrow is the big game. I hope to play like I did last week, but step it up when I need to. Last week, I made it to the final four, where three were being paid out, and had the second-most chips. Two hands later, I was out after some really stupid play. The final hand, I had a 10-rag in my hand with a 3-3-x-10 on the board. Bobby went all in, and I decided to call, even though I knew, knew he had a three. Turns out he had two of them, which totally sunk me. On the whole, it was a good night, but the ending really had me kicking myself for quite some time.
Meron's still battling her sugar issues. They've got her testing it four times a day and really working on the diet. If this doesn't improve, I think this will be the last child. It's so rough on her to try to keep this up.
No huge plans for the weekend. We are ringing the Salvation Army bell Saturday afternoon. Benjamin's going to go with us, at least for a bit. I think he'll have a lot of fun ringing the bell, even though he probably won't have the attention span for a two-hour stretch. Parent's Night Out is Saturday evening, though I don't know if we will be dropping him off or not. He's been pretty clingy lately. Not sure if it's a reaction, somewhat instinctively, to the pregnancy or not.
Darn cold here this morning. Too bad there's no rain in the area, or we'd get a ton of snow. It was 11 on my way to work today! That's just not normal for us down here in the South. Must be that global warming thing......
That's probably enough for today. Hope you have a good weekend!
5 comments:
You've come a long way in a year, C. I can appreciate the "moving on." After being in therapy for well over a year, I found it very difficult to leave the schedule of nightly appointments. I felt like I "existed" there and nowhere else. After getting my walking papers (heh), I still stopped by to see my therapists and former therapy-mates. Everyone had become a large part of my life and it was difficult to leave them behind. Slowly, it became more natural to not think of my life in terms of degrees ("Hmmm...if I step off this curb, how many degrees will my knee bend?" "Ah, that step felt like more than a 90 degree bend."). You're entitled to move on, C. You worked for it and you earned it. Good for you.
Thanks, Deb. I appreciate the comments, from someone whose had something of a similar experience!
C70, I also commend you on fighting your way back. Perhaps it is a blessing, in that you now know how blessed you are, as we all are, to have health and family, and friends.
I think you have quite a lot of frinds. that says a lot about you.
It is one of the positive aspects of the whole thing is to find out just how many friends I have, both here in person and on the wonderful invention called the internet!
Hey, at least you didn't have to deal with the lawn!
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